Hi guys ...
It's one of those emails - you know - the kind that lets everyone know what the hell you are doing with your life. So - here it goes...
I had this amazing experience in Seattle. I was called by my former teacher and director to come out and do this production of Cymbeline.
At first, I thought, "Wow - I am going to be in a production of Cymbeline at The Intiman (a well known theatre in Seattle) or maybe The Seattle Rep. After all these years, finally, I would get my equity card working at a major house in Seattle. I was thrilled.
Then I talked to her. It was this tour. A tour of prisons in the Northwest. "oh," I thought, "that sounds kinda cool." Now, you know the last thing I was thinking was that it was cool. I was feeling bittersweet. Excited that this fantastic director and teacher wanted to work with me - but - sad because it was not the "opportunity" I thought it was going to be.
I worked out the financials with my partner (as one would think - it was a major paycut). Boy - I had no idea what was in store for me. An amazing cast of actors - completely generous and thoughtful. These people were seriously beautiful and dedicated.
What happened in the prisons rocked my world. They were seriously the BEST audience that I have ever had. A captive one for sure. But - so freckin' appreciative and so engaged. They got things I would have never even ventured to get. I seriously loved them.
We had this amazing opportunity to do workshops with the inmates after ... There was a point during this experience were I literally felt overwhelmed. I thought I had been given this gift - that for the first time I HEARD people. We just need someone to listen to us. I never learned anything in my life by what someone TOLD me.
I saw myself in these people. Most of these crimes are committed in a drug and alcohol daze. I am a recovered alcoholic and drug addict. I made a lot of mistakes. I didn't get caught at the really bad ones. Like how many times I drove drunk. Or stole from my parents. Or manipulated people to get more cocaine. I know some of you don't know this about me - but - it's the truth. And - I may know some of you better than others - but for the ones I do know - I am aware of the things you have done as well because I grew up with you. Fortunately, I am free of all that today. But some of these people aren't. Some are forced into making these horrible decisions. I am certainly not suggesting that people don't deserve to be punished or incarcerated. I'm just saying how would in sit in my body and mind if I made a mistake and then was judged on it for the rest of my life? Every single one of us had made at least ONE enormous mistake, right? I have two brothers who are dead because they couldn't get past their addictions.
Anyway - my experience changed my life creatively and spiritually. It renewed my faith in how the arts are a piece of the process in healing. It made me feel like it was a noble profession. It made me realize what an amazing woman Robin Lynn Smith, our director, was and is. If you hit my website www.kevintmoore.com you can read my blogs about having a spiritual connection to my grandmothers on a retreat by myself into the rainforest of the Washington coast.
So - I get back to NYC and long story short - Rico and I just bought our first home. WOW - what a freckin' process. What you don't know if you've never done it. We got educated really fast. We almost made an enormous mistake - buying from a seedy real estate developer in Brooklyn. Thank God we had an engineer come in and inspect who basically said - RUN -don't walk - away from this deal. It's so crazy .... What we are about to spend on a house here would buy us a freckin' mansion anywhere else in the world!!
Well - we were heartbroken when it didn't happen. It was quite large with a yard (really unheard of in NY) and we had a lot of plans. Oh well.
But - it also got me thinking. I love acting. I really do. I have had some amazing experiences. I just am not sure I want to continue to do this. Constantly kissing people's asses. Wondering were the next job is going to come form. And in my case - if I am going to get paid? I have invested untold amounts of money into it - and the return? Well - tremendous emotionally but a financial advisor might say to get rid of this particulasr stock. So - I haven't said - "I'm done." I just don't think I want to pursue it anymore as my means to making a living. It certainly is not going to pay my mortgage. Not what I am making at it right now. Saying that makes me feel relieved. I don't feel sad or lost or weird. I feel like - it's time to move on ...

So - my sister's in town with us with two of her three kids ... having tons of fun! Rico brought my niece who's turning nine out to the Scholastic store last night so she could get the new Harry Potter book at midnight. You should have seen her face when they got back at 130 am ... she looked like she had died and gone to heaven ... what a show - they really went all out according to Rico and all the people that were there to buy the book were really excited and friendly. We happen to be a really nice lot here in NY. Anyway - off to The Natural History Museum to see dinosaurs and mermaids and fairies and outer space ... hope you are having a great day ... I'm still overwhelmed by my Seattle experience and I am especially thankful to the people who sat in that hot ass theater and watched me jump jump up and down ... you guys are just great! Well - I'll blog to you soon - I promise!!!!

Back at home ... and glad to be here ... it's thunderstorms and humidity since I got back ... gross ... anyway ... back at work today - great group of people - they are so supportive ... I really love them ... I think I am going to start writing a story based on all these insights I had at the coast - I just see this story as a film about the strength of women and how they made their place for their families - ya' know? Anyway - guess what? I sprained my goddamned MCL again and have been ordered by the doctor to stay off running, spinning, yoga and cardio again for a month - UUUGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! OK - I better get freckin' huge lifting weights ... we'll see ...

Today I walked along the beach in Lapush, Wa ... the rugged coastline littered with trees and the ocean with "sea stacks" or what I think just look like mountains growing out of them as far out as the eye can see ...
I am feeling quite peaceful and reflective about the past couple of months and really the past year and a half of my life and how so much has changed ...
I'm out here thinking about the amazingly strong women in my life.
My dad's mother - who in 1932 woke up one night and grabbed her three children and moved from Watertown, NY to Philadelphia, PA to escape my grandfather who was a raging alcoholic and was planning to sell the children because of the desperation brought on by the height of the "depression."
My mom's mother who moved 12 children 8 times on the course of ten years because my grandfather was unable to hold a job due to -you guessed it - alcoholism ... As poor as you could get in the country of Newfoundland they were ... When her oldest son died in World War II - the Canadian government gave her $10,000 for his service and she used that to send my uncle to buy a home in this little town in Pennsylvania called West Chester that he had been to with a friend and talked about how much he loved it. All her children except one left for the states. That was 1948.
Then how my mother got a job in the big city and one night went out to a jam session to hear "Bill Haley and The Comets" in 1956 and met my father. How her friends told her to stay away from him - that he was bad news. Of course, like most of us, my mother became instantly attracted to him.
How did I get here? What road was paved so that I could have the opportunity to have a full life - a life with so many choices available? How dare I squander any of my day with thoughts of not being good enough - not being worthy? I believe in my heart that these women and the women present in my life today - my mother and sister - my aunts and sisters-in-law, my nieces and cousins, my dear friends - they push me forward into the future filled with possibility and chance. I feel so full inside ... I feel like standing on the sea stacks in the pacific northwest ocean and screaming, "YES - YES - I HEAR YOU - I HEAR YOU GRANDMA MAYO AND GRANDMA KIT!!! I'M GOING TO MAKE SURE THAT PEOPLE KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU HAVE DONE AND CONTINUE TO DO FOR YOUR FAMILY!! I WILL NO LONGER TELL MY SELF ANYTHING OTHER THAN I AM BAUTIFUL AND PERFECT!!" I have a feeling that God wants me delightful and happy - full of joy and gratitude. Well, right now - that's all I feel.